*SPOILERS* A humorous take on the plot of the F.E.A.R. series!

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  • #5799


    A humorous take on the plot of the f.e.a.r. games
    As told by Randomguy7
    First published on the steam forums.

    Once upon a time, there was a very poorly watched company that could do anything they wanted without any legal repercussions.
    The ceo’s little girl, Alma, had a wonderful gift that made her psychic, and she hoped that her future would be bright. So her father said “LETS DO HIDEOUS EXPERIMENTS ON HER AND KILL ALL HER FRIENDS”
    So he did. Alma was very sad. Her power was too much for her to handle.
    She grew up with agony and resentment for her father.
    “What could go wrong?”
    The ceo said
    “Its not like Alma’s godlike power could backfire on us!”
    Like every short-sighted evil mastermind before him, Alma’s father had his head so far up his butt that he had absolutely no semblance of common sense, and neither did anybody else who worked at Armacham or lived on the planet where the game takes place.
    So they made inhumanly cruel experiments and one day they decided they needed more godlike subjects so they made Alma pregnant when she turned 18. Alma had a spark of hope that perhaps maybe this meant that she could have some semblance of happiness, and like every mother before her she eagerly awaited the birth of her children.
    Soon, Alma gave birth to two wonderful sons just as messed up and powerful as her, and before she could hold them, they ripped them from her arms and they shot her in the head and she died and they locked her body in a vault hundreds of miles underground watched by the most highly trained personnel on the planet.
    Now, Alma was so powerful that even her ghost could be physically manifested, so being killed didn’t affect her much, and she decided that she had enough.
    The younger son was also psychic like his mother and was also a cannibal and was trained to control legions of clone soldiers remotely.
    “What could go wrong?”
    The scientists said.
    “This could NEVER backfire!”
    And it did.
    So the Pointman, who never got named because Alma was shot point-blank in the face before she could name him, face wet with tears, had bullettime powers and was born mute. This made him mentally detached and therefore was the most lethal, merciless killer ever to exist anywhere in the universe but somehow this made him a good guy and his brother and mom the bad guys because he was “cool”. So he was sent by the only government entity on the planet that actually knew what was going on to go stop his brother and eventually he did and shot him in the head just like they told him to and the city got nuked in the process and the people who didn’t die went completely insane or were killed by Armacham, who still didn’t have a clue what they were doing and once again could do anything under the sun without anybody knowing without being watched by the government.
    Like all psychics, somehow pointman’s brother didnt really die and pointman was imprisoned for a while.
    So a new dude named Becket and all of his idiot friends who were led by a lady soldier who so far in this story is the only person on earth who had common sense at all, whom the soldiers were completely lost without, was captured by a grumpy old lady named Arisdide who designed all these experiments and Becket was also given bullettime powers and Alma kinda thought he was cute. So, just like her daddy taught her to love, she killed all of his friends and forced a child upon him in the end she rapes him and once again she was pregnant, and Arisdide was a complete jerk and shot the smart lady in the head sealing the fate of everyone and meanwhile some IT geek was shot who tried to stop all this but failed due to his lack of taste in movies.

    So Pointman and his brother formed an alliance and broke out of prison so they went back to the blown up city filled with psychopaths and monsters caused by Alma’s power-induced rift between dimensions because they thought Alma needed to he stopped, partially because they liked the place, being completely deranged just like their mother, and partially because they had nothing better to do.

    They met becket and he was still very messed up from Alma’s sexually assaulting him and after he told his past to them he explodes spontaneously. Also, Pointman’s lady friend Jin who was the second to last person on earth with any semblance of common sense, partially because she isn’t either a testosterone-fueled meathead, a deranged killer, a psychic or anything else, helps them in the process.

    So eventually the pointman and his brother reach the Armacham stronghold and kill a ghost of Almas father who trolls them incessantly and they see Alma resting with nobody to help her through labor, cold and emotionless and devoid of life, and the brothers’ truce ends, as if in an arguement over who was loved by mommy more.
    So in one ending, Pointman kills his brother for good, takes the child, and leaves his mother who died in labor.
    In the other, his brother takes the child and promises to raise it to be just as effed up as he is and he cannibalizes his mother to death.

    TLDR a sweet and innocent girl named Alma is tortured, robbed of her children, and killed until she becomes angry and evil and everybody involved are total jerks and Alma never had a chance to be happy and many, many, many people die.

    Oh yeah and somehow the clone soldiers were awarded, being the first clone soldiers in history that actually knew how to aim and stuff.


    P.S. I absolutely adore this game and all of it’s sequels.

  • #5819


    6 words:
    still better love story than twilight

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